Have you ever listened to birds call and respond each other? An ancient species, with 150 million years of existence to their credit, birds know how to survive, why? Because no bird call goes unanswered, if it does, the bird dies. We are not meant to live this life unheard, unable to call and unable to respond. It's not natural.
I just saw this image in my Facebook feed and it sparked a reminder to a time when I spent my days drinking poison, because I was unable to call, unable to respond.
I spent long enough in this state to really taste the bitterness of unresolved anger.
The root of this anger for me, lay in poor communication skills. Once resolved, I discovered how not angry, but passionate a person I am, some would call it spirited, I often find myself propelled by pure emotion.
Emotion = Energy - in - motion
The way I understand it now, is that when we encounter new situations, our energy shifts and creates a disequilibrium in our being. Our sense of what to do with this disturbance depends on the fundamental relationship you have with yourself. The nature of that relationship is most accessible to you when in a stressed state. In the past, under stress I always had a disconcerting feeling of wrongness.
At it's most basic level, we are always measuring our being against a sense of right and wrong. Right = I'm ok / Wrong = I'm not ok.
How do you feel under stress when you believe you're ok? Passionate.
How do feel under stress when you believe you're no ok? Angry.
When I'm under stress now, I recognise it as disequilibrium, that's all. I'm aware that what I'm encountering is something I don't have a call or response for, yet... and so I become a pupil of the birdsong. I open myself to learning through call and response. I realise my stressed state is the place where I can learn the most. I may never have the answer, but at least I can send out a call... It will be answered.
The origins of self
Your sense of self as right or wrong is informed by an accumulation of past experiences and an evaluation system that most often has been internalised from some other source, usually the culture of the day.
In our culture, Irish catholic... the culture of the day was reserved obedience. This was enforced with the tactics of shame, fear and oppression. 'Children should be seen and not heard'. We were born to original sin; our being was wrong and it was our job to make it right.
Excuse me, but fuck that. The damage this has done!
Assumed power is a dangerous thing
There was a time I felt powerless, completely. Mostly because I couldn't seem to make my being right. There are times I still do feel powerless, but I no longer feel it completely and I no longer feel it in relation to my being. I've taken back my power, I found a way for my being to feel right. I found a way to call, to respond and I've learned how to listen for the calls and responses of others.
But it is not my desire to dominate with my call or to see any response as an oracle of truth, it is purely to communicate, to keep moving, because to move is to survive.
My power lies in this ability. To call and to respond. To express and process experiences with others, so that I may stay close to me, to others, to spirit, to love. I know what it's like to not be able to express myself. It sucks...
This is my message to you - ooh - ooh
How do you see yourself in the world? Are you ok? Why? Because someone else says so? Same goes for the alternative, are you not ok because someone else dictates it? Fuck that. Take back your power. YOU ARE OK... you will be ok, always. You have a right to be seen AND heard.
For me now, it's simply ok to be me, as I am, as I was and as I will be. That way I'll always be ok... even when circumstances may not.
Anger too, is an ok place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there!
So what about you? Have you found your bird call?
Always, Amanda xx