Nothing like being confronted with the entirety of one's closet, only a tenth of which fits enough to actually leave the house in, to wake one up to the reality that something else now has to change. I want my closet back, I want full length photos. For years now I've been in denial and only choosing to see myself from the neck up. Recently I had some photos taken. One was a full length, straight on shot. When I saw it I was shocked. Really. I normally wouldn't share on this topic. It's a sore one for me. I have a bitter history with this shit.
I'm sitting here now with a familiar anxiety, a desire for empowerment and a conflicting sense of doom / fear of defeat.
Am I finally strong enough & ready to live well as a whole, not just in parts & let go of my soother? I feel the need to out myself... Maybe so I can't just unpack it to the back of another wardrobe again. If I can let this shit go, then I will promise you, I'll insist, that anything is possible.
I'm now stating it publicly. Planting a seed. I'm nearly 40 ffs!! What a depressing thought to approach that age in hiding. I MUST arrive like a fucking boss!
Oh divine, give me strength.