It's just chaos... nothing short. Maybe that's a bit dramatic... But lemme tell ya, there's no other word... Chaos will have to do, ok?
Chaos is PMS speak for can't cope. Can't cope with what? Oh.. things like..
not being able to get my arm through my cardi's sleeve hole on first attempt... not being able to find 'that' pair of socks ... the cat looking crooked at me.
These are the kinds of things that get placed on the can't cope with list during a PMS attack.
(I know, the drama.... but girls, I know ya feel me)
During this time of hormonal flooding... rationality packs it's bag for a day trip to Mars, patience is just the name of a Guns n Roses song and perspective is set to 'nope... every way you look at this, it's a disaster'.
How I haven't bitten my own tongue off at this stage is beyond me. Welcome to my Monday March 2nd, an 'I'm 'bout to chew the hair off my own head if it gets in my way one more time' kinda day.
Why does this hijack me every month? Why don't I see it coming... why does it leave me hyperventilating at the threshold of needing to be sedated? And...Is it Ironic that I painted owls while dealing most unwisely with this condition?
Anyway... this explains last night's art session to me now. Usually when I'm making art, I am chilled, relaxed..in the flow and enjoying the adventure. Last night I was painting as if I was up against a clock and must have a completed painting in the next five minutes or all art privileges will be taken away from me for life!
At one point I actually questioned had I ingested a barrel of coffee unknown to myself, that's how not relaxed I was.
This morning I was going to take photos of what I did last night so I could post them here...but I was afraid to touch the good camera for fear I would drop it (btw, that's pms code for 'throw it against a wall')...
Anyway... I took a very shaky shot with my ('stupid') iPhone instead. It's not a great photo but I'm sharing it anyway... my new birdies...owls!
Yesterday evening I heard, for the first time in the surrounding forest, an OWL!! I have been waiting for that sound now since November! Finally! Welcome Mr Owl! Needless to say, when I sat down to paint last night, I had to try my hand at the wise 'ol owl.
In a relaxed state, I enjoy the process of creating, I take my time. These poor guys were dragged forth as if all life depended on having them manifest in one session. I put so much pressure on myself and totally kicked my own ass in the process.
Does anyone else do this when painting under PM stress? Maybe I should have done some art journalling or something. I kinda think it would have been more fitting for me to scribble with a bunch of crayons given the state I was (and still am) in.
So, my jury is out on this, most likely because I white knuckled it and didn't allow myself the space and time to create...I was pursuing the production of something. As if the time spent creating 'had to count'.
Always, Amanda xoxo