Mixed Media

Back In My Camp

 For me, emotional overwhelm is like a blocked drain.

Creativity is my 'Dyno-Rod'

This is how I deal with emotional stagnancy.

This is my Flow.

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~ Poem ~

Back in My Camp

*

Delicate me

In my belief

I am but a peasant

Doubt is my chief

*

Fragile I was

There on my ground

Wide eyed and rattled

Trying not to fall down

*

As in from the sea

Came you in your boat

Raging with me

And barely afloat

*

Now back in my camp

I still cannot speak

This worry, this helpless

I carry with me

Becoming 'Daisy Jane'.. (It's a process)

It was my mothers birthday on Sunday. I haven't seen her since I began creating art two months ago in April. I was working towards my mothers birthday as the date I would frame the first Daisy Jane... Both Daisy and I have gone through some transformation and I would like to share that progress with you.

This is the first ever attempt I made at creating a collage in April this year

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(Ouch... I'm really putting myself out here to show and tell aren't I?)

When I attempted this first piece above, expectations of myself were quite high. I remember launching into this piece as if it was going to go seamlessly and perfect. As the process unfolded I realised that this was not going to be 'easy' and I quickly encountered the old familiar voice of doubt, fear, judgement and perfection. "What are you thinking?? You can't possibly create art!"

Surprisingly also that day, I discovered a very real impetus inside me... a need, an urge to keep going.. to pursue some vision I had in my head of how it was supposed to be. Obviously, this wasn't it... but why should it be? Is that a good enough reason to stop? NO.

Over the coming weeks I splattered and fumbled my way towards producing a more cohesive and presentable gift for my mother. I painted faces, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out the backdrop, the layers, the materials, the hair.. at one point I painted an entire helmut of black paint over one of my faces in sheer frustration.

When I completed the piece below I remember being proud of myself, though not fully satisfied... I could see progress.

The drive inside nudged and said ..."Ok...Keep Going"

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There have been many rehearsals, many embodiments of Daisy Jane and she's been evolving with me. I've become braver and am learning through experience. I've come to realise that this is a dance... I can never know what's coming.. I can't force her to please me.. I can just invite her and hope she shows up.

She showed up for my mothers birthday... I was so delighted and excited to have this handmade expression to gift my Mam. She is the first framed Daisy Jane, the first girl on the wall... My mother was thrilled.. that made two of us!

It took her from April to June for Daisy Jane to answer my call, but she did <3

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 <3 Happy Birthday Mam!! <3

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Always, Amanda xx