Cultivating the courage to 'Un-Believe' this: My dreams are part of what is wrong with me

All last week I spent in anticipation of 10.30 Saturday morning...

I had planned a very special date for my creative self... 2 hours in Bridge House Studios an idyllic, renovated cottage, farmhouses and barn overlooking an old stone bridge and gently flowing river.

This is a magical place for 'artists, writers or those seeking inspiration or time-out' for their creative selves.

There is a gallery, a barn, greenery, flowers, trees, stone, timber, water... a perfectly attuned aesthetic playground to wander, to ignite, and to fertilise possibilities. All this only 2 miles down the road from where I live! Until a week previous I had no idea this space existed but ever since the discovery, I have been infused with gratitude and spirit.

As I was given the tour, Iseult, the artist who's home this is, painted for me the image of what this space would become, it is a vision in progress. She is knee deep in a transformational process of hand making this vision into a haven of her own creation. As I emerged from my whirlwind of amazement, it dawned on me, I turned to her and I said "Iseult, this is the dream". To which she stopped dead, mid-stride, looked me straight in the eye and said "YES.. the dream".

Oh... hello dreamer.. you just got another sign. Dreams can come true!

 

I know my radar is tuning in to another wavelength of late, I'm seeing my surroundings through different eyes, like as if I have invoked a perception that has remained dormant within me all this time. I am developing more and more interest closer to home, in the spiritual sense, things that are 'right under my nose'... 'here', not there.

Though I'm a dreamer, I've always swept my dreams under the carpet.. like some shameful personal truth, I believed my dreams were part of what was 'wrong with me'. They were what made me 'for the birds'.

 

Hello, this is Destiny calling...again

 

Does this make any sense to you? I'm speaking about destiny here I think... could my destiny possibly reveal itself to resemble the dreams I've suppressed and kept secret  all my life? Is this why, in my slumber, I repeatedly re-visit dreams in which I accidentally discover foreign parts of old houses and by which I am enchanted every time?

Paradoxically, while it feels intuitive that my attention now rests 'here', it also somehow implies a signpost, as if I'm also discovering some sort of pathway to 'there', but 'there' (wherever that is) is not my focus, it's not my aim, it's just an extension of 'here'.

Then, destiny really did call 

Just now, as I was drafting this post, I received an 'out of the blue' phone call from someone I don't know, but have crossed paths with in the recent past. She called me about a longing she has to create meaning in her life... she remembered a conversation we had where I was able to empathise with her because circumstance had caused her to question everything she thought she knew about herself, about love and about life.

I shared with her how I once didn't know how to listen to myself at all, because if I did, I would have to confront the fear of taking steps I knew had become necessary for my life to have the meaning I desperately wanted, I was afraid I might lose something by following my heart.

I then told her it boiled down to a single decision in the end, to chose the fear of change over the fear of staying the same...

That decision created a movement of providence for me and yes, there was loss, but I can say with confidence, it was the best thing I ever done. She remembered that conversation and I remembered her.

She called me today to say she hears it now, that she's conflicted about trusting it, but that my courage then has inspired in her, her own courage now. This is what it's all about for me, because my courage too was inspired, and continues to be. 

My most recent inspirations have been calling to me again... to recover my dreams, to acknowledge, to cultivate and to live as if... that part of me is real.

Do you have dreams waiting to be discovered?

Always, Amanda xx